The Red Dragon Club
by x-DragonSoul-x
Summary: Self-insert. Have you ever noticed how in video games the cool guy always has red hair? Well, I wondered what would happen if a few of those cool red-heads met. This is what happened. Characters from ToS, Zelda and Kingdom Hearts. A few spoilers inside.
1. How It Begins Part 1

**Author Note: **Seriously, there are so many cool video game red-heads! Pondering that one day, I wondered what would happen if they all met. So I chose a few of my favorites and summoned them to the same place. Please note that this is not a crack-fic, it does have some story to it. Rest assured, it's still plenty funny. But if you were looking for some random, sensless hilarity, you should probably look elsewher-- Wait what am I saying!? You clicked it you you must read THIS story! So, go, read it, now! PLEASE! (author has emotional breakdown.)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Tales of Symphonia, Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World, The Legend of Zelda, or Kingdom Hearts. So now please read, laugh, enjoy and review.

* * *

"C'mon, c'mon. They should be here by now." A girl paced impatiently around a picnic table, and then around a small lake. The sun was out and the wind blew lazily. But it could be cold and stormy for all the she was concerned.

"My mystical powers as an authoress should have summoned them here by now… What could be-- Oh!" Suddenly there was a bright flash of reddish light and another figure stood in the clearing. A tall, angelic mercenary with unruly auburn hair to be precise.

"Oh my gosh! Kratos!" the girl shouted, and rushed over to him. She might have hugged him if she hadn't noticed his hand fly to his sword hilt and his eyes glare warningly at her.

"Err…" the girl stammered. "I--"

He was about to say something but then there was another flash of light and a new figure stood beside them. He wore a long dark coat and a pair of angular glasses sat upon his face. A sheath for a sword and axe were strapped to his back. His jade eyes flickered in confusion. "Where--"

"Richter!" the girl cried upon seeing him. "I can't believe it worked!"

Richter stared sharply at her and unsheathed his weapons. "Who are you?" His sword pointed to the girl's neck.

"Jeez!" she cried and disappeared with a flourish of sparkles. She reappeared several feet away. "What's with all the hostility?" The girl crossed her arms.

Richter kept his weapons at the ready and wore an expression of someone facing a dragon, which, was somewhat right…

"Put your weapons away; this girl means us no harm," came a cool reserved voice.

Richter turned to face Kratos, then looked back at the girl. "Heh, you couldn't be more right," he said with a chuckle.

The girl pondered this for a moment. "… Hey! Was that an insult!"

Richter ignored her. "You on the other hand…" He faced Kratos and assumed the attack stance. Kratos drew his sword.

"Uh-oh!" The authoress warped between them and held up her hands. "Stop it you guys! No fighting!" she told them. They just stared at her, not lowering their weapons.

"Look, I know your confused. But what's the point of fighting each other. You don't even know each other. What can be gained by fighting a complete stranger?" she asked.

Kratos sheathed his sword. "She does have a point."

Richter blinked, then begrudgingly replaced his weapons in their sheaths.

"That's better." she mumbled. She motioned to the man on either side of her in introduction. "Kratos, this is Richter. Richter, this is Kratos. So get along."

Richter snorted. He walked a few feet away.

Kratos folded his arms. "It would be wise of you to introduce yourself as well," he said thoughtfully.

"Oh yeah," she said, as if it had completely skipped her mind. "I'm the author of this story and since I don't feel like revealing my real name to you, you may call me Dragoness, and welcome to my little club."

"Club?…" Richter muttered skeptically, turning back to them.

"…" Kratos remained silent.

The girl nodded, smiling. "Yeah! It's a club for all of the cool guys in video games that have red hair, like you two!"

They stared at her like she was a mad woman.

Dragoness crumpled under the two warriors' harsh gaze. "Erm…"

Just then another spark of reddish light flickered in the distance and a very annoying, charismatic voice rang out across the field distracting them. "Never fear, the great Zelos Wilder is here!" said the voice. The Idiot Chosen of Tethe'alla clad in a pink-- excuse me, _salmon _colored, sleeveless coat and white pants, came racing over to the small group.

Completely ignoring the two men, Zelos stopped in front of Dragoness and took her hands.

"Why hello there, young lady. What's your name?" he asked, his trademark grin on his face. Dragoness paled. "Oh my God…" she muttered. "Kratos! Save me!!!" Ripping her hands out of Zelos' grasp, she raced to hide behind the Seraph.

Kratos didn't appear to care for her using him as a human, er, angelic shield, but he didn't object.

Noticing them for the first time Zelos cast an inquisitive glance at the two others. "Kratos? And Richter? What are you doing here?"

"You," Richter did not look particularly happy to see him. "I should ask you the same thing."

Kratos glanced around to the girl clutching his swallow-tail cape. "You summoned him as well?" he accused.

"Eheheheh," Dragoness laughed nervously. "Yeah. Now I wish I hadn't." Then she noticed something. She stepped out from behind Kratos.

"Wait a minute. You know each other? You mean I've succeeded in summoning the post-Dawn of the New World Zelos? Aww sweet! I am so cool!"

"Why yes you are, my little rose." Zelos agreed, advancing a little.

"Eek!" Dragoness shrieked and hide behind Kratos again.

The Seraph sighed. "Must you?" he asked.

"Well, if I hide behind Richter he'd probably chop my head off," she replied looking over to the half-elf with the axe strapped to his back.

"…"

Zelos pouted. "Oh c'mon, where's the love."

Dragoness looked at him from behind Kratos. "Over there, in that garbage can where I just threw up." She pointed to a random garbage can sitting in the grass.

"…What?" Zelos looked generally surprised.

"She means, you disgust her." Richter supplied, pushing his glasses up with two fingers. "Now can we please get back to more important matters?" His tone made it apparent that he was irritated.

"Yeah, like, where are we and what are we doing here?" Zelos asked dubiously, resting his hands on his hips.

"Ah, the meaning of life," Dragoness mused and put her hand under her chin. The others gave her irritated glances. "Ah, sorry…"

Kratos spoke up. "It seems that Dragoness here has carelessly ripped us away from our lives to a strange place, unknown to us, in an attempt to have us join in this foolish 'club' of hers." He looked over at her. "Is that correct?"

She nodded feebly. "Well when you say it that way…"

"Aww sweet! A club, I love clubs!" exclaimed Zelos, grinning like an idiot.

Dragoness glared sharply at him. "Not that kind of club you moron!"

Zelos moaned.

"I have no interest in joining whatever it is you have in mind," Richter said plainly, turning his back to them.

A smile crept across Dragoness' face. "Well then, how would you get home?" she challenged. "I was the one who brought you here, so I'm the only one who can send you back. You really have no choice but to do what I say."

Richter turned his head. "Is that so?" he asked. Dragoness nodded. Finally he gave an irritated sigh, admitting defeat, and rejoined the group.

"Good!" she said, smiling a wide and innocent smile.

"All right! Blackmail, you know how to play don't you Dragoness?" Zelos laughed.

"But you Zelos, I have half a mind to send to home right now!" she told him, he was really getting on her nerves now.

He smiled mischievously. "But you won't," he concluded.

It was Dragoness's turn to admit defeat. She began muttering under her breath.

"Should we be expecting any more 'guests' to join us?" Kratos asked, breaking her string of no doubt curses towards a certain Idiot Chosen.

"What? Oh yeah, two actually. I don't know where they wo--" Then again, she was cut off by a bright blaze of light. The newest member to stumble into the field was dressed in a long black cloak with a single zipper running it's length. He had ridiculously spiky hair (red of course) bright green eyes and two purple markings under either of them.

"Whoa, what a ride. Never had that much trouble traveling between the realms before." he said clutching his head. When he noticed the five people standing before him he said, "Sorry folks, I must be in the wrong place. If you'll excuse me…" Then he looked confused. "What-? I can't…"

"It's no use bud, you're stuck here with us," Zelos told him very matter-of-factly.

"Huh?" the newcomer questioned.

"Hi Axel!" Dragoness greeted warmly, as if nothing was amiss.

"You know me?" Axel asked, cocking an eyebrow and tilting his head.

"Well of course. I wouldn't have summoned you if I didn't know you!" Dragoness stated as if it were as plain as day. This of course didn't make Axel any less confused. "You're Axel, the eighth member of Organization XIII."

At his surprised expression Dragoness address the entire group. "Oh yeah, I know dirt on all of you. Just to let you know, **Spoiler Alert**."

She pointed to Kratos. "You're Lloyd's dad and one of the four Seraphim of Cruxis. You were born about 4,000 years ago in Tethe'alla and were a general in the Kharlan War." There was a subtle change in his expression indicating his surprise.

She pointed to Richter. "You're a half-elf who was forced to do research all your life at Sybak. You were studying Ratatosk when your buddy Aster was killed. You attempted to make deal with demons to resurrect Aster, but it didn't work out so well. So now, you're guarding the door to the Ginungagap with Ratatosk. Or at least were…" Richter's eyes widened at the knowledge of the strange girl he had only met today. Then his expression melted into one of silent annoyance.

"And you," She pointed reluctantly to Zelos.

"Me!" he echoed excitedly.

"Eh, yeah you. You're the heir of the mana lineage in Tethe'alla. You have a half sister, Seles, who went into exile 'cause her mom killed your mom and tried to kill you. You're second only to the king and know throughout Tethe'alla for your… philandering tendencies." she finished. "Okay, **End of Spoiler Alert.**

"Yep, that's me!" Zelos exclaimed.

"What's 'Spoiler Alert' mean?…" Axel asked quietly.

Zelos strode over to Dragoness. "Well, you seem to know all about me. It's a pity I don't know a thing about you," he said, his foggy blue eyes sparkling charmingly.

Dragoness closed her eyes and folded her arms (but not before stepping a good foot away.) "Don't make me say what the elfin sorceress told you," she warned.

"Elfin… What elfin sorceress?" Zelos asked crumpling his brow.

"The one in Sybak," she said simply. "The one who told you, 'Love is actually the animal instinct to pass on one's genes to--'"

"Ack, no!" Zelos exclaimed, clapping his hands over his ears. "No! Not again!"

Dragoness smiled evilly. "Well then, in her words, 'I guess you've learned your lesson.'"

"Agh! You win, for now…" he slunk off to the side of the group.

Kratos, upon seeing the Chosen retreat, smiled slightly. "How amusing."

"Well played," Richter told her quietly, pushing his spectacles up.

"Umm," Axel muttered. "I think I've missed something…"

Dragoness laughed at Axel's confusion. Then she said. "There's only one more person we're waiting for. And he should be along any s- Ah."

The last and final flash of light flickered nearby. When it faded a young man stood in it's place. He looked very studious with short red hair that had a bit of a curl to it and round glasses that sat upon his nose. He had a very high drawn up collar and a plum-colored shirt, giving him a bit of a noble air. Many bags were fastened around his waist and a small book was wedged in the crook of his elbow.

His eyes widened at his new surroundings. "By the goddesses, where am I!" he cried.

"Shad!" Dragoness waved to him from where the group stood near the pond.

Shad looked over curiously and adjusted his glasses to make sure he was seeing right. "Dragoness? Is that you?"

"Yeah! Come over here!" Dragoness beckoned.

Shad loped on over, face beaming. "Dragoness, I haven't seen you in ages. How have you been?"

He stopped at the edge of the group. Dragoness smiled at her friend. "I know, it has been awhile. I've been good. How 'bout you?"

"I as well," he replied.

Zelos held up his hands. "Whoa, whoa, wait,"

"You know him previously?" Kratos stole Zelos' thought, his brow was raised curiously.

"What? Oh yeah," started the scatterbrain. "I've summoned Shad loads of times to help me out with homework. But now that it's summer I haven't seen him for a while."

Shad nodded. "Speaking of which, how did you do on your math final?" he asked, genuinely interested.

"An A!" she proclaimed proudly. "Thank you so much for the help! I hate math so much!"

Zelos slipped out from behind Axel and put his arm around Dragoness, much to her detest. "If you were having trouble with math why didn't you just call on your old buddy Zelos?" he asked with the same pleasant grin plastered on his face. "I love the stuff."

Dragoness gave him a look that communicated the word "Never!" before wriggling out of his grasp. When she was safely a few feet away, she shuddered and dusted herself off. Zelos' rolled his eyes and sighed but he was smiling. Which freaked her out even more.

Seemingly oblivious to Dragoness' discomfort Shad said, "I'm sorry, I don't believe we've been introduced." He reached out his hand. "My name is Shad."

With a flourish of sparkles Dragoness appeared between them. "No Shad don't!" she shouted before karate chopping Zelos' arm away. Then she warped away just as soon as she had come. "Don't shake his hand!" she told him sternly.

Shad blinked. "Why not?"

Dragoness stumbled with the words before settling on, "Just don't." She motioned her arm as if she were casting the thought aside. "Anyway. That's Kratos, that's Richter, that's Axel, and… yeah that's Zelos." She pointed to each person as she said their name.

"Yeah, nice intro," Zelos said sardonically, rubbing his recently karate chopped arm. "My beautiful hand…"

Dragoness rolled her eyes. "Well now that we're all here we can-…" she stopped suddenly.

"Is something wrong?" Richter questioned the usual chatterbox's sudden silence.

She blinked. "No, it's funny," She scratched her head nervously. "I just realized I have nothing for us to do."

Everybody sweat-dropped.

There was silence for a few minutes only interrupted by Dragoness' nervous laughter.

"Well, this is a park," Axel observed. "There's gotta be something for us to do." He looked over at the small pond. "We could… go swimming."

Correction, the small, green, algae-infested pond.

"Right. You want to swim in that disease-ridden puddle? Next!" Zelos scoffed.

"There's the swing-set and the jungle-gym," Dragoness pointed out. Everyone stared at her. "I take that as a no…" she muttered twiddling her fingers.

"Hmm." Kratos crossed his arms. "There appears to be a chess table over there." The group turned to a single stone chess set over by some trees.

Zelos looked mortified.

"Ooh, no thanks Kratos," Dragoness said, waving her hands in decline. "I like the game but I really suck at it. You'd probably cream me in no time at all." She beckoned to Shad. "But you and Shad could probably play a game. He'd stand a much better chance than me."

Shads eyes lit up. "Oh yes. This should be fun! You look like a very worthy opponent."

Recovering from his little chess scare, Zelos slunk closer to Shad. "Well, if nothing funs going on, I'll just have to find a way to entertain myself…" he mumbled. Without warning, the Idiot Chosen snatched Shad's glasses right off his face and made a break for it.

"Swipe!" he called as he ran off.

Shad felt at his face. "M- my glasses!" he exclaimed. "Give them back!" Shad sped off after his glasses' captor.

"Zelos!" Dragoness snapped. "Get back here!" She too, began to chase Zelos.

Axel shrugged. "Eh, I've got nothing better to do." He raced off laughing.

That left two swordsmen to stare after the four figures speeding off to the playground.

Kratos sighed and put his hand to his head in the usual way. Richter shook his head. "Children."

Then he turned to Kratos. "While the less mature ones in our group are otherwise occupied, I'll take you on in a game of chess."

Kratos nodded. "Very well then."

They made their way to the chess table and took seats. Kratos was white, Richter was black. "You're move," he said. Kratos placed his hand on one of his pawns and began the game.

* * *

"Nyah, nyah, you can't catch me!" Zelos taunted while he made his way over the jungle-gym bridge.

"Zelos!" Dragoness bellowed, in between breaths. The Chosen was fast, she would give him that, he was no doubt used to making quick getaways. "This isn't funny!"

"Maybe for you it's not!" he shouted back. Then he sat and slide down one of the slides to the wood chipped ground below.

"Grr, this isn't working." Dragoness growled, watching him flee from the bridge. She turned to Axel and Shad who was stumbling blindly behind her. "If we can't catch him we can outsmart him. We're smarter than him right?!"

"Okay, right now you look like a dancing fish with hair." Shad told her. She face palmed.

"Alright, since you can't see, it'll be up to me and… Axel!" She found that Axel had escaped and was now climbing a tree over yonder. It was obvious that he wasn't going to help any.

Dragoness groaned and massaged her temples. "Why did I invite Zelos?" She mentally stabbed herself. "Okay this is what we're going to do:" she announced. Unbeknownst to both of them, Zelos was hiding under the bridge listening to their plan. "You go under the platforms and stuff where all those support beams are. I'll go find him and chase him over here. Then you come out and we'll corner him against the wall. Got it?"

"Oh yes I do," Zelos whispered and slunk off.

Shad scratched his head. "I'm not sure I'll be able to see him."

"Just look for a big, idiotic, pink salmon with fire growing out of where his brain should be."

"…" Shad stared, or squinted or whatever.

"Anything else?" Dragoness asked.

"Ah yes, I might need some assistance getting there. I don't think I would be able to tell the difference between the support beams and giant carrots."

Dragoness sighed.

* * *

Once Shad was in position, Dragoness went off to find Zelos. He was leaning against one of the swing set supports.

"Why, hello there my little rose. What brings you out here?" he said, carelessly inspecting his stolen item.

Dragoness shuddered. "Give back Shad's glasses!" she demanded.

Zelos put his hand to his chin, pretending to think (as if he could think!) "Umm, nah!" He sped off around the playground. Dragoness followed.

"Ooh, look at her chase me now!" he shouted back.

Dragoness was officially PO'ed. She vowed to murder the Idiot Chosen the first chance she got with a dull and rusty spork.

Zelos refused to go anywhere but the perimeter of the playground, he was basically running laps. Dragoness, not being to most athletic person around, began breathing heavily. As soon as this happened, however, Zelos started running towards the support beams.

_Uh, weird but, okay. _Dragoness thought. She followed. As they neared Dragoness shouted, "Now Shad!"

The red-head scholar leapt out of his hiding spot and clamped onto the first moving thing he saw. Unfortunately, that moving thing was…

"Hey, what are you doing!" yelled Dragoness, now in a bear hug. "Do I look like an idiotic salmon to you?!"

"Ah, idiotic no, but perhaps a herring--"

"Shut up! He's getting away!" Dragoness pried herself from Shad's grip and dove towards Zelos. Only to land face flat on the ground and get a few wood chips in her mouth.

"Ooh, so close," Zelos taunted.

Spitting out the wood chips Dragoness shouted, "Shad! To your left!"

On command, the scholar jolted to the left…

And smashed right into one of the support beams. A pitiful yelp escaped his lips before he fell to the ground.

Zelos doubled over laughing. "You people are so sad! So sad that it hurts! I love it!" He continued to laugh his unruly red head off when Dragoness slowly got to her feet. With a murderous gaze in her eyes, she stalked over to Zelos.

"Uh-oh," he said and bolted.

Dragoness unleashed an explosive flurry of curses and insults, some in English, some in another language and still some in languages that didn't exist.

Clutching his head, Shad got up and watched the demonic dragon.

"… Whoa…" was all he could say.

* * *

"Well then," Richter said, taking Kratos' last bishop with his knight. There were only three pieces left on the board. Richter's knight and both men's kings. "This appears to be a draw."

"Indeed," Kratos agreed. It would be pointless to continue. Richter's knight would never he able to attack Kratos' king and Kratos would never be able to take Richter's king. "Well played."

Dragoness' shrieking reached Kratos' ears first, then Richter's. Both swordsmen looked over to where she stood screaming at Zelos while Shad, looking rather beaten came to stand beside her. Although a good few feet beside her, he seemed somewhat wary of his shouting friend.

"Should we intervene?" Kratos asked, watching the spectacle.

Richter shook his head nonchalantly. "No, they'll figure it out." Kratos didn't look convinced. "Eventually," Richter added. "Rematch?"

They wordlessly began to re-setup the chess board.

After Dragoness' cheeks had turned purple and she had run out of breath, she stopped yelling and sat down at the end of one of the slides. She looked near tears.

"I'm sorry Shad!" she cried. "I tried but in the end I couldn't get your glasses back! I'm so sorry!"

"That's quite alright Dragoness," he told her. He moved to pat her back.

"Shad, I'm over here."

"Huh?" Shad was patting the back of one of the support beams. "Oh… sorry."

She put her hand to her head. "Oh what are we going to do. You can't even see without them!" She looked over to Shad. "I could pay for new ones. How much do they cost?"

Shad raised his hand. "Oh no, you don't have to--"

"How much!" she persisted.

Shad blinked, not like he could see much anyway. "Ah, about 100 rupees."

"Oh yeah, in Hyrule they use rupees," she muttered thoughtfully. Her chin rested on her hand. "Hmm, I'm not sure I could afford that with my allowa-- Oh, what am I talking about! I don't get an allowance! All the money I get are either gifts, babysitting money or stuff I swipe from my parents!"

Shad's mouth opened to say something but he clamped it back shut.

"Oh, I have such a headache," she moaned.

"I'll give it back to you, you know," the annoying voice of Zelos Wilder came.

"Huh?" Dragoness looked up to see Zelos striding over, glasses in hand.

"I'll give his glasses back to you," he repeated, dangling them under her nose.

She reached out to grab them, but Zelos swiped them out of her reach. "On one condition."

"Of course…" Dragoness muttered angrily.

"What's the condition?" Shad asked, not actually talking in the right direction.

Zelos smirked at Dragoness. "You have to say, 'pretty please, Master Zelos!' Then I'll give them back to you."

"What?!" Dragoness' jaw dropped to the ground. "Blackmail?!"

Zelos nodded slyly. "You're not the only one who knows how to bend the rules." He folded his arms. "Well, I'm waiting."

"Dragoness…?" Shad questioned slowly, wondering if his friend would actually bend to the Chosen's will.

Dragoness clenched her fists and muttered a few harsh words under her breath. "Pr- lease- …Zelos…"

"Hmm, what's that?" Zelos asked, a demonic grin on his face. "Can't hear you."

"…retty …-se… Zelos."

"Still can't hear you!" Zelos mocked putting his hand to his ear.

Dragoness was silent for a long time. Then something occurred to her.

"What am I doing! I'm the authoress!" With a simple snap of her fingers suddenly there was an army of dragons, kitsunes, phoenixes and other mythical beings that appeared out of nowhere.

"What is thy bidding my Lady?" asked a water nymph dressed as a commander, a crystal spear in hand.

"Seize him!" Dragoness bellowed pointing to the ill-fated red-head.

"Wha--?!" Zelos squeaked, completely surprised by the mythical army's abrupt appearance.

"Take that which he has stolen and punish him!"

"As you wish my Lady." The nymph readied her spear as the other creatures stalked towards him.

Zelos broke out in a cold sweat. "Oh crap…" The nymph raised her spear in a sort of silent battle cry.

First, the phoenix swooped in and incinerated Zelos with her flaming wings.

"Ooh, ah, ouch! Hot! Owee!" he yelped.

Next, the dragon raked his claws across his back.

"Ahhhhhhh!"

Then a fenrir bit him and quite literally ripped out a good chunk of his crimson hair.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Not my hair!!!"

There after griffin dive-bombed him and bowled him over.

"Augh!"

And finally the kitsune, fox-spirit, flipped gracefully through the air, landing on Zelos's back and took the glasses out of his twitching hand. She daintily brought them over to Dragoness and deposited them into her hand. Dragoness patted her before she rejoined the ranks of her mystical brethren.

"Will that be all my Lady?" the nymph asked.

"Yes." Dragoness handed Shad's glasses backed to him. He put them on just in time to see the mythical beings disappear in Dragoness' signature sparkles. His eyes widened and he adjusted his glasses to make sure he was seeing right.

Jaw dropping, Shad looked over to where Dragoness sat on the slide like a queen on a throne.

She rose and approached Zelos, who barely had enough strength to look up at her. He moaned pitifully.

"Now!" she announced. "Because you are a complete and utter JERK, and because I feel like it!" Dragoness folded her hands almost prayer style and began to chant: "O Blessed One, cast thy purifying light upon this perverted soul. Let him feel thy wrath!"

"Oh no!" Zelos pleaded. "No no no no no no NO!!!"

"JUDGEMENT!" Dragoness raised her hands skyward as a dark and ominous cloud gathered overhead. A giant shaft of silver lightning rained down on Zelos' helpless form.

"AHHHHHH!!!!"

* * *

"Well done," Kratos commented as Richter replaced the white king with his black queen. Richter had played cunningly and skillfully, bombarding Kratos with so many obstacles that it would have been impossible for him to win.

"You're not so bad yourself," Richter told him. "Most people I play don't last nearly this long."

Kratos reached out his arm and both chessmen shook hands.

Then suddenly, Kratos jerked around in his chair, claret eyes searching for something. "Magic," he stated.

The same feeling overwhelmed Richter a moment later. "I sense it too." His own jade eyes followed Kratos' gaze. Both swordsmen got to their feet.

"Someone is using Judgment!" Kratos deduced, recognizing the familiar pattern of mana.

They raced off to the jungle-gym, where the mana was coming from.

They arrived just in time to see the heavenly bolt turn Zelos to a crisp. Axel had also come over to investigate. They turned their eyes in astonishment to the source of the angelic power. Dragoness lowered her arms looking down at the pitiful Chosen.

"That's what you get for making me mad!" she told him. "Serves you right!" Then she unleashed an evil laugh which sent chills down everyone's spine. Which was sort of odd, because Dragoness had never been able to pull off an evil laugh that didn't sound completely retarded or end in her having a coughing fit.

It somewhat reminded Kratos of Mithos' demented laughter. It reminded Richter of Ratatosk's maddened laughing when he unleashed Ain Soph Aur. And it also reminded Shad of the time when Telma found a whole bag of chocolate chips and ate them all one day. He shuddered.

"MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-- Okay we're good!" She stopped suddenly. With a completely innocent smile on her face, she turned to her "friends" "Hi guys!" They flinched visibly. She looked confused. "What?" Following their gaze, she glanced at the crispy Chosen.

Shrugging, she said in an almost disturbingly nonchalant tone, "Meh, whatever. I'm hungry, anyone else hungry? Let's get something to eat." Without another word she walked off toward a building with picnic tables in it.

Whether it be out of confused daze or merely for fear of their lives, the four red-heads followed after her.

* * *

**Author Note: **Now... You have a choice: Will you continue reading this story? Or will you click the back button and search for something else? Just know, if you say no to this story, you're saying no to... THIS PUPPY! (The authoress holds up a cute little black puppy with white paws and smudge on her nose.) You can't honestly say no to _us_, can you? (The puppy does cute little brown puppy-eyes. The authoress does the same, but hers is a little less...) Please, click the "next chapter button." You know you want to. Pretty ple-- EW ewewewewewew. Puppy I told you to do that _outside_! (She runs off holding the dripping puppy.)


	2. How It Begins Part 2

**Author Note: **So... you chose to continue reading this story.... Good choice! ^.^ I won't bore you with a long author note. On with the story!

* * *

The building really wasn't a building, it was just a roof suspended by four pillars, on each corner. Under it, many wooden picnic tables were set in neat little rows. Dragoness tapped one of the table-tops, signaling them to sit there. The four of them sat on one side, Dragoness on the other.

She snapped her fingers and a large blue bowl appeared before them.

"Food time!" Dragoness announced happily.

Her four guests stared at the bowl, not daring to even guess what evil concoction it contained.

"What?…" Dragoness asked. "They're good. See?" She plunged her hand and drew out a handful of her favorite snack: Cheez-its. Tossing them into her mouth, she beckoned to them. "C'mon try it. It's good."

Hesitantly, Shad reached out his hand and took a few from the bowl. Axel and Richter soon followed suit. Kratos just stared disdainfully at the bowl of orange squares, arms folded, jaw set, as only he could.

"Hey, these are pretty good," Axel remarked as he chewed the artificially colored, cheese substitute filled, junk food.

"Indeed," Shad agreed, eyes lighting up. "It is most intriguing, the flavor. I've never tasted anything like it!"

"Hmm." Richter muttered his version of approval.

Dragoness turned to Kratos, the only one who hadn't tried the soul-robbing snack of doom. "Go on, Kratos." She pushed the bowl towards him. When he didn't budge she added, "It doesn't have any tomatoes in it. You're safe."

The three other red-heads slowly turned to stare at the angelic mercenary upon hearing of his… odd weakness…

For a split-second, Kratos' face turned the same color as his auburn hair as the others' bemused stares burned into his skin. Dragoness could barely control her urge to go "Aww." at the Seraph's apparent embarrassment.

Kratos swiftly snatched up a cheez-it and popped it into his mouth. (weirdest… sentence… ever…)

Drawing their attention away from the angelic mercenary chowing on snack food, Dragoness cleared her throat. "Ahem, now to business: you're all here 'cause--"

"Gimme munchies," came a shrill, cracked voice. The group turned to see an idiotic piece of living charcoal crawling towards them. They watched in utter shock as a very charred Zelos tried to pull himself up with the table and reached out to the bowl of cheez-its. "Food…" he drawled.

"What the--!" Dragoness cried. "How are you still ALIVE!!!"

Zelos did not answer, he just reached for the cheez-its harder. Richter pushed his glasses up. "It seems to me, that your 'mystical powers as an authoress' so called, do not have power to in fact take away life," he explained as he negligently moved the bowl out of Zelos' reach. The Chosen collapsed on the table and pounded his fist in frustration, whining something that sounded like, "I'm hungry."

"Hmm, I think you're right," she muttered putting her hand under her chin thoughtfully. She remembered one of the clauses in the contract she had sighed to get her powers:

* * *

_By signing this form you agree that you will not do the following:_

_Use these powers to take over the world_

_Use these powers to aid the forces of evil _

_Use these powers to find Waldo_

_Use these powers to make a new Zelda game (it'll happen eventually)_

_Use these powers to summon characters to a other worldly location and kill them to otherwise alter reality._

* * *

"I think there was something about that but… I'm not sure…" she said. Who reads contracts anyway? They're meant to be signed so you sign 'em. "Whatever." She looked down at the crispy Chosen splayed across the table. "Well, can't have you just sit there and make the whole place smell like a bonfire." She folded her hands. "Root of all creation, grant us the breath of life. Revitalize!"

The charring immediately vanished from Zelos' form. His hair turned back to it's insanely reddish color, his white pants went back to actually being white instead of an burnt ashen color and hue and his jacket returned to pink… Excuse me, I mean _salmon_!

He immediately sprang up from the table, disheveling his hair in the process. "Aww yeah! I'm back!" he announced excitedly. Then spotting the bowl of cheez-its across the table that he now sat on, reached out for it and grabbed a handful of the snack crackers. "Ooh, food! I'm starving!" He proceeded to messily munch, spreading little crumbs all over himself and the table. The others watched in an awkward silence.

"Hey, these are really tasty!" he said with his mouth full, reaching for another handful.

"Yes, Zelos. I think we've already established that," Dragoness chided. "Now get off the table before you make us all gag!"

Taking no offense to the statement, Zelos slid off the table on Dragoness' side. "As you wish, my dear."

"No! Not this side! Go sit over there!" She pointed feverishly to the half-foot of space at the end next to Axel.

"But there's no room over there," he stated simply.

"Then sit on the ground!" Dragoness bellowed, shimmying down to the end of the bench. Zelos just moved too.

"How do still like me?! I almost killed you!" Dragoness was now practically falling off the end. "On purpose!"

"All is forgiven, my little rose."

Dragoness was now on the ground having fallen off the end. "Someone help me out here!" She looked over to the Fellowship of the Red-heads, none of which even moved. "Oh this is ridiculous!" She snapped her fingers and Zelos, for the second time that day, fell victim of the authoress' magic.

"What the--!" He was suddenly bound where he was by shining gold chains, the water-nymph commander stood with her spear at his throat.

"Struggle against _these_ holy chains! Ha! Shining Bind my foot!" Dusting herself off she mocked Zelos' Mystic Arte. She stood at the end of the table and pounded her fist on it. "Alright! Now if we've all stopped being _insane _for the day, I'd like to get to business!"

"Pardon my interrupting," Shad spoke up, "but am I correct in my assumption that, with the exception of you, Dragoness, the reason we are here has something to do with the fact that we all have hair colors that are some variation of red?"

"You would be correct, Shad," she confirmed pushing a strand of her own long, brunette hair behind her ear.

Axel scratched his head. "Why?"

"You five are some of my favorite character's from vid-- stories," she explained, trying to simplify. "It just so happens that a lot of you had red hair. I found that kinda funny so I used my powers to bring you all here so we all could meet."

"And where is here exactly?" Richter asked. The group looked around to take in the sights once again. There was the wood-chipped playground and swing set, the clearing with the chess sets, the small, icky-looking pond and the pavilion with all the picnic tables where they sat now.

"Oh, yeah," she said looking around with them. "I… I guess I made this place."

"You MADE it!" Shad exclaimed. "How--"

"This place is kind of a mixture of a whole bunch of little parks in my hometown," she mused. "Using my power and my memories of those places I created this park. So that we all could meet." She shrugged. "I hoped that we could form a sort of a group so that we could see each other and have fun whenever we wanted. And that we could all be friends." She smiled sadly. "But if you don't want to, I can send you back…"

The mood of the group flickered to one of remorse and sympathy. This group, however, did not include Zelos.

"Oh come on!" he groaned. "A guilt trip! That is _weak_!"

Dragoness' attention snapped in his direction. "That was not a guilt trip! I was being sincere!"

"Riiiiiight." He sarcastically nodded his head.

"Shut up, Zelos!" she huffed. "Don't make me gag you too! Chains don't taste good!"

The water-nymph nudged his neck with her spear. He flinched. "Shutting up!"

Dragoness turned back to her other guests, rubbing her neck with an embarrassed smile on her face. "Well, what do you say?"

There was a brief silence while they mulled it over. Finally Shad spoke up.

"I'd love to join, Dragoness!"

Dragoness released her breath and smiled at her first group-member. Shad got up and stood behind her. They looked at the others expectantly.

"Heh, sounds fun!" Axel said and took a place behind Dragoness.

Two enigmatic swordsmen remained. The air buzzed with anticipation as Dragoness waited for their answers.

"… I see no harm." Kratos too, stood up and joined the small but growing group. Dragoness looked a Richter with a nervous smile.

"Humph. Well, it's not like I'm going to be doing anything for the next thousand years." He sighed. "Count me in too."

She let out a happy yelp as he stood up. Possessed by her sheer joy, she clamped on to Richter in a hug. He flinched monstrously and then tried to wriggle out of her embrace, but she would budge. Finally, as her momentary blip of bliss subsided, she realized what she was doing.

"Oh, AH!" She jolted away from infuriated half-elf. "Sorry! I just-!"

"Never… do that… again…" he said slowly, warningly.

"Eheheheh… Yeah…"

The entire group "…"ed.

"Tch, nice." Zelos muttered sarcastically from where he was tied up at the picnic table.

Dragoness cleared her throat. "Ahem, anyway!" A piece of paper and a pen materialized on the table. "To become members you have to sign this contract."

They stared at it skeptically.

"Don't worry, there's no deceptive lines or tricky word-play or anything like that," Dragoness assured them.

Kratos glanced over the paper. "Oh really?" he asked as his angelic eyes swept over tiny, miniscule line at the bottom that read, "I own your soul."

"Heheheh. Just checking to see if you were paying attention there…" The line disappeared. "Well?" She held out the brilliant azure pen.

Axel blinked, then he smiled apprehensively. "Eheheh, I think we should have these two check over it just one more time." He shoved Richter and Shad closer to the document. "Okay now, do what smart people do best: read!"

With slightly annoyed expressions, both red-heads adjusted their glasses and began to do just that. After a moment Shad said, "There's nothing deceptive here. This really isn't even a formal contract. All that's really being agreed on is our membership. It's safe."

"Indeed," Richter agreed.

Dragoness nodded. "Yeah, it's just an honorary contract. Alright, now would you people please sign it already!"

She held out the pen again, this time someone took it. That someone stooped over the document and wrote in a neat but fine cursive, "Shad of Hyrule." He passed his pen to another who wrote in a simple scrawl, "No. VIII Axel." The pen was then passed to another with beautiful archaic handwriting. It read, "Kratos Aurion." Then the pen was given to someone else. In a blunt but elegant hand he wrote, "Richter Abend."

The pen was then passed back to Dragoness who picked up the document and came to stand next to Zelos, chained to the table.

"Okay," she started. "Even though I find you annoying to the point of thinking of taking my own life and the most insufferable human being to ever walk the planet I will let you sign this document anyway because, even though I loath to admit it I was sad when you died and felt that the group was not quite right without you and I feel that the same applies for this group so I will let you join even though every fiber of my being cries out for me to bash your skull against the wall and use Judgment on you until you can no longer feel the pain and are nothing but a big, pink, breathing paperweight!!! Got it?!" The whole sentence was rushed and hasty but sounded as if it had been rehearsed.

Zelos blinked. He wasn't quite sure if he should be delighted or offended. One thing for certain was that he was confused beyond belief.

"When I… died?…" he muttered. Those thoughts were pushed aside when the gold chains disappeared and paper and pen was placed in front of him. His eyes lit up as he grasped the pen and wrote in a sharp and dramatized style, "The Great Zelos Wilder."

Dragoness rolled her eyes.

"Alright!" Zelos exclaimed, standing up for the first time in a while. "Now we gotta think of a name!"

"A name?" Shad wondered aloud.

"Why yes, Shad my good buddy," Zelos said while giving him a mock noogie. Dragoness almost punched him for this. "Every great club needs a great name! Any suggestions?" He looked at each member individually who all shook their head in turn. He groaned "You people are so boring!"

"Well, what's one of your brilliant ideas?!" Dragoness asked angrily, only to mentally stab herself a moment later.

"I vote for 'The Great Zelos Wilder and his Rose's club for Freaks!'" He grinned like an idiot. "Whaddya think?"

He got his answer when Dragoness smacked his forehead in the "could'a had a V8" style.

Kratos folded his arms. "Such a name should be simple and refined. Nothing so flamboyant as that," he stated simply.

"Mmhmm." Dragoness shot Zelos an imitation Aurion death glare. Not as scary as the real thing but still something you don't want to walk into in a dark alley. He backed off.

"I agree," Richter said, pushing his glasses up. "It stands to reason that it should have something to do with the color red since that's what we all have that in common."

Several members of the group nodded. Shad put his hand under his chin. "Hmm, true."

Axel tilted his head. "But isn't that kinda unfair to Dragoness? She doesn't have red hair but she's a member of this group too."

Dragoness looked at Axel thoughtfully. "What, really?" She smile warmly. "Aww, that so sweet of you Axel."

"Uhh." He rubbed his face.

Shad looked like he was thinking hard. "Yes, that's true as well. Dragoness… I've got it!" The group turned to him.

"What is it Shad?" Dragoness asked.

He adjusted his glasses, grinning delightedly. "Well, as Richter pointed out, we all have the color red in common and the name of our leader is Dragoness." he stated.

"Oh, I don't know about that." Dragoness blushed at the notion of being called a leader.

"Therefore," he continued. "we can make a compromise. We can be the Red Dragons."

The group took a moment to absorb the idea.

Shad misread this silence. "What? Is it too much? Or perhaps a bit… um, cheesy?"

"Hmm…" Dragoness mused. Zelos was just about to tell him how retarded that sounded when she interrupted him. "The Red Dragon Club. I like it! Nice work, Shad!"

"Why, thank you." He smiled.

Dragoness nodded. "Yeah… From now on we are the Red Dragons!" She raised her fist skyward. The others followed. There was a moment when the six Dragons couldn't help but smiling, a moment when satisfaction and simple happiness could be felt throughout, a moment when they were just a group of friends.

Dragoness laughed. "Alright! Dragons unite! To the playground!" She went charging off.

"And there went that moment," Axel muttered as he watched her run off like some war general.

Everyone sweat dropped.

"Master Richter!"

Dragoness stopped dead in her tracks and turned around just in time to see a small, floating blue creature appear next to Richter.

"Aqua!?" Richter exclaimed.

"Master Richter, I finally found you!" the Centurion of Water cried, both relief and worry evident in her voice.

Dragoness backtracked and confronted Aqua.

"What the--!? How did you get here!?" She wasn't really angry, she was just surprised and curious how her alternate reality had been penetrated.

"You!" Aqua hissed, moving closer to Dragoness. "How dare you steal Master Richter away from me!"

"What!?" Dragoness cried. _Now_ she was angry. "I didn't steal him!"

"Liar!"

"Well at least I don't have fish breath!"

"How dare you!"

They looked about ready to murder each other. Until Richter stepped between them. "Stop it! Both of you!" he commanded.

"Yes, Master Richter." Aqua said obediently, straightening up. Dragoness rolled her eyes.

"Now, Aqua," Richter looked over to the blue-tinged she-spirit. "I want to know, how is it you were able to find me?"

"You and I share a pact Master Richter. It took awhile but I was finally able to track you down." She turned an icy eye to Dragoness. "The mana of this place is coming from her. That means she's the one who kidnapped you. Shall I get rid of her, Master Richter?"

"No, that will not be necessary."

"As if she could…" Dragoness muttered under her breath. The half-elf's ears were very keen and he smirked slightly.

A bit flustered, Aqua persisted. "Ah, but, Master Richter look! She has other hostages too! And one of them is even… Zelos?"

He smiled his trademark grin. "Why hello there my misty beauty,"

She looked offended and Richter glared at Zelos. Dragoness scowled at him. "You know Centurions technically don't have genders, right?"

"So?"

Everybody "…"ed

"I think I just threw up in my mouth," Dragoness told them, earning her a few awkward stares.

"Er-- Anyway!" Aqua turned back to her Pact-Master. "You have to come back with me Master Richter!"

Dragoness was about to object when Kratos spoke up. "Remember Dragoness, that we all have lives we must attend to as well; even you. We cannot all stay here for eternity just because you wish it."

"But--" Dragoness muttered feebly. She sighed. "I guess you're right." She thought about it for a moment.

"Hurry up!" Aqua shouted.

"Shut it Zora-girl!" she rebuked.

"Zora?" everyone said at more or less the same time.

"Oh! I got this one!" Shad announced cheerily. He flipped open the book he always held in the crook of his elbow. "Zora:" he read. "A tribe of aquatic humanoids living in the rivers and lakes of Hyrule. They have both gills and lungs and can also--"

"Okay this is what I'm going to do:" Dragoness interrupted. Shad looked a little depressed being denied the chance to define something.

"Using my powers I'll send you all back to where you belong. But I will seal your memories of this place here so I like don't mess up the games or something."

That comment earned her a few confused stares.

"I'll send you back to the exact moment I took you so it'll seem like you haven't been gone at all. But I can call you here anytime I want and your memories of this place will be restored when you get back. Is everyone good with that?"

They all nodded.

"Alright then. I guess this is good bye for now,"

"But just for now," Shad assured her. She nodded. "Bye Kratos, Richter, Axel, Shad and … Zelos. I was happy to meet you all.

"Indeed," Kratos said, nodding.

"Farewell then," Richter told her.

"See you later," Axel waved a bit.

"Until fate brings us together again, my little rose!" Dragoness punched Zelos right in the face for that.

"Not the face!"

"There, that's your parting gift," she told him sardonically. Then she sighed.

Folding her hands, magic buzzed around her fingertips. It sparkled with her signature sparkles. "See ya'" She thrust her hands at the group and with several flashes of crimson light they vanished.

She stared up into the sky. "So long, Red Dragons." She smiled. Then her face tugged into a frown. "Crap!" she pouted, crossing her arms. "Now I'm bored again!"

* * *

**Author Note: **O_o Did I really just write a story about Zelos hitting on me?... Wow... But just so you know, he's only doing that 'cause that what Zelos does. Not because... (clears throat) Anyway, did you like it? And did I get thier personalities right? Particularly Axel, I'm not sure if I got him right. I've never actually played Kingdom Hearts, I've only read the manga, so I wasn't sure. Yeah, so if you guy liked it, I have enough material for maybe three more chapters. Let me know, okay? Oh, and in a fight, which one of these guys do you think would win? Hehe ;) Have a fun and random day!


End file.
